Back to Life

by Frank Sadowski

[Dr. Daneshmand]'s receptionist told me he was interested in my case, and in fact had already requested that the original pathology slides of the removed tumor be sent to him. She explained that he only worked from the actual slides, not any other doctors’ third-party reports. She told me the slides were being couriered down to Portland that very day. She asked me how soon I could be available to come down to OHSU. When I answered, “Three hours,” she laughed and said, “Well, how about Thursday around noon?”

And so on Thursday morning I found myself driving down I-5 to Portland alone. My mind was all over the place, and I suddenly remembered an episode from about six weeks earlier that I had completely forgotten. I don’t particularly believe in the occult or paranormal experiences, but I do believe that sometimes we just “know” things. I had inexplicably awakened at about 3:15 a.m. and was lying on my back with my hands clasped behind my head staring into the darkness when Laura woke up and asked me if something was wrong. I answered her with words that surprised me as much as they did her, because I had not even thought them before they emerged from my mouth.

“There is something inside of me,” I said.

“You mean something in your mind?”

“No. Something is in my body. Something is wrong, and I have no idea what it is.”

We went back to sleep with no further discussion, and I promptly forgot about it until that moment in the car. It was obvious to me now that somehow I had sensed the cancer inside me, even though I had no physical discomfort or pain of any kind prior to the blood episode. A chill went through me as I tried to imagine what my next course of treatment would entail.